Just like anyone, my thoughts run wild. Lately, my little Wheel of Fortune brain dial has been spinning to a stop...on me. I've been thinking about myself a lot. Not in a narcissistic way, but on my inner self. Like who I am, what I represent and stand for. I'm not a very definitive person and I'm okay with that. Mostly. I pride myself on being able to see any situation from the other persons point of view. You know how people say I'm black or white, there's no in between with me? I'm gray, and I'm totally okay with that. The gray area is often where people meet to compromise and create peace - so I see nothing wrong with gray.
Anywho, I got a bit off point. I say this to say, as I've been reflecting on self and asking myself "Am I a good person?", "Do I make good decisions?". I've also been wondering who I am. Like, who is my authentic self? How do we really know who our authentic self is? We're influenced by so much - if we want to admit it or not - by outside sources. How can I make sure that every decision I make is authentically my own? And with this question I had to face a hard truth; I care about what people think. I give a fuck - ha! So how do I not care? How do I live as myself? How do I know if I know myself? So of course being the intelligently savvy woman I am, I Googled it. I came across two articles. I went through the steps of answering the questions, but then I found, as I always do, I second guess my answers. I can't even take an authenticity test right - WTF! I mean, yes, this is a somewhat new journey, but I think the world has convinced me that I need to be so steadfastly sure of who I am that you have to only and always be that one thing. However, I think my school of thought differs. If we're always evolving or changing, doesn't our "I Am" change all the time? Or is that just my gray kicking in? Fuck. As you can see this is a journey lol, but maybe it is good if I answer the questions from one of the articles, just cause, why not? Here it goes:
1. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? Beautiful and an actress. lol true shit. More of my therapist's drama at a later date...
2. What makes you laugh? Really smart, witty, sometimes dark jokes and awkward situations
3. What clothes do you feel comfortable in? Gym clothes or as the cool kids say Athleisure, but mostly being in the nude. I love being in the nude. Or a big ass sweater and leggings.
4. What activities do you enjoy? Dressing up and going out for a night on the town to eat and drink and enjoy life. Doing my makeup for a night out on the town. Web surfing for clothes. Captivating an audience. Traveling and discovering new things.
5. Who can you be yourself around? A few friends. I know who lol.
Um...helped a bit, but still in search of self for sure. I def will touch on this more as the year progresses, because I want to be unapologetically myself at all times in all situations. Sunny AF. Yea, I like that,